I have a handful of ex-boyfriends, but there is one that is The Ex. I’ll call him Jay. Jay and I broke up for the first time in college. For the year and a half we were apart, we decided we’d try to be friends.

We failed miserably. Our version of being “friends” meant talking (and drunk dialing) a lot, hanging out and watching movies in his room at the frat house — which always lead to making out — and getting incredibly jealous anytime there was even a hint that the other was seeing someone else.

The second time Jay and I broke up, right before I moved to St. Joe, we agreed, again, to be friends. This go around, we’re not doing much better. Distance has taken out the physical aspect, but over the last year and eight months, we’ve still managed to put each other through plenty of emotional turmoil. Not exactly something you do when you’re friends.

I’ve always wondered what was the secret to being friends with your ex. I’ve certainly not been able to figure it out.

Adam Clark says one thing you need to do is let go of the past.

“No matter whatever happens in the past, it’s not going to affect the future if (you) don’t let it happen,” he says.

Adam also says both parties need space and time to get over things, and then they can come back and be friends. Hmm. Jay and I have plenty of space (there’s an entire state between us now), and we’ve had plenty of time. So what’s our problem?

Jenna Swymeler says being friends will be difficult, but you can make it work if you really want to. She’s a champ at staying friends with old boyfriends. She’s friends with all of hers, — even her ex-fiance who cheated on her.

“There’s always going to be the new girlfriend and new boyfriend, and they’re always going to be jealous,” she says. “But if all you want is to be friends, then I think you can do it.”

Maybe that’s where I’m going wrong, I never want to be “just friends” with my exes. When it comes down to it, I’m an all-or-nothing type of girl. Either we’re together or we’re not talking. I can’t handle anything in between, it’s too confusing.

I care for my ex dearly, I always will. But I don’t think I can ever be friends with him. To me, I’ve been through too much with him to consider (and be considered) merely a friend.

Plus, I’m pretty sure being friends means that I’d have to be happy for him when he meets and falls in love with someone else. And, jealous Scorpio that I am, I really don’t see that ever happening.

Maybe one day, when I’m older and more mature, Jay and I can be friends, real friends. Until then, he’s still The Ex.